Vulnerability

What makes you vulnerable, makes you beautiful.

– Brené Brown.

Vulnerability (noun):
the state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.

As any other teenager, I was surfing on YouTube, in the quest of some quality content. And just then, I came across a TED Talk by Brené Brown, namely ‘the power of vulnerability‘. In her Ted Talk, Brown defines vulnerability as, ‘uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure‘.

Firstly, let’s take a look at when we actually feel vulnerable…

Say, you had an amazing idea about some startup, diet plan, or anything which needs commitment and in all that newfound excitement you say you’re going to do it to a few people. But when it comes to execution, you want to back down, you don’t think it is going to work out. But, the next thought that comes to your mind is how am I going to face the people who know about it? Now, you don’t want to back down because you fear the judgements. You either have to give in or give up, there’s no other way. And you feel vulnerable.

Yes, we all are vulnerable.
Vulnerability is a feature of being human. We are vulnerable to quite a few things in our life. But we never truly show or believe that we are vulnerable. People shield themselves from any kind of vulnerability because most of them think that being vulnerable will either:

1.Wreck down their confidence
2.Be used against them
3. Or they just don’t know that being vulnerable is a power

We have always been conditioned in a certain way. We grew up absorbing certain rules. Growing up, we misinterpreted that sharing our weaknesses, our secrets, some personal stuff shows that we are weak. Maybe, this is because we had some bad experiences. I completely accept the concern, but is every person who comes into our life the same? Is it certain that this person is also going to be a bad experience? The answer seems to be biased. One betrayal in life makes us feel devastated and leaves great impact, it really depends on how we perceive the situation.

As human beings, we all strive for connection. Whenever any of our friends have problems, they reach out to us for some healthy conversation. But when we are put in such a situation, have bad days and breakdowns; we fear opening ourselves to someone, letting them know our weaknesses. We feel we’ll come off as silly and unstable; the thought of what they will think keeps bothering us. We fear rejection.

A few weeks back, I was going through a tough time. I didn’t wanted to bother anyone but when things didn’t seem to improve, I went to my friend for some help. Opening up to him worked wonders for me, I got to be honest with him and it always feels better to have someone to listen to you. That’s when I realised it takes courage to be vulnerable.

Why vulnerability is a much needed part of relationships?

Vulnerability is the driving force of connection. It’s brave. It’s about courage. And it is difficult to connect without being vulnerable. Without vulnerability, relationships struggle. Vulnerability is openness to experiences, people and uncertainty. It’s terrifying at times, but brave always. Of course, there are some inevitable situations in relationships. It hurts, sometimes. There are some miscommunications, misunderstandings, misdirection of thoughts, clash of opinions, the list could be endless but in the long run, we are ultimately growing. And if we choose to shut down this ability to take risk of being vulnerable, we also shut down the doors of other emotions – joy, happiness, content. Try this, shutdown the sharing, rest will happen on its own.

In her TED talk, Brown spoke about how people can be classified into two types: the one who experience strong sense of love and the one who don’t. She says:
“The research has found that the difference between the two groups was that those who had a strong sense of love and belonging believed they were worthy of it. People who believed they were worthy of connection experienced greater connectedness. When people believe themselves worthy of connection, they’re more likely to move towards others. They’ll be the first to say ‘I love you’. They’ll be quick to say, ‘I miss you’. They’ll ask for help and they’ll be open to the love, affection and influence of others. They’ll be grateful. They’ll be connected. They give to the relationship and they receive openly, abundantly, honestly and with love and gratitude. They allow themselves to be vulnerable to the uncertainty and they make it safe for others to do the same.”

By sharing the fears and insecurities with our loved ones, we can overcome the fear of rejection. It will boost our confidence. Similarly, as we tune in, we start accepting the aspects of our personalities. It makes us more beautiful. It really does.

And finally..

Somewhere today, the need to protect ourselves from being vulnerable has dominated the need to connect. I understand that few things hurt as deeply and completely as the heartache that comes from relationships. But heartache and uncertainty are parts of being human. We’ve stopped allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. We’ve toughened up. We’ve turned vulnerability into a weakness. Things happen. It’s here, in strength and with the greatest of courage, that we ask for help, love someone without a guarantee, ask where we stand, what we feel. When we shut down our vulnerability, we shut down the further possibilities.

We cannot guarantee the outcome, but we can have faith in our ability to cope with it. Living and loving with a vulnerable, open heart will bring its own rewards. There is no daring more honest and more courageous than that which comes with respecting our vulnerability and embracing it.

I accept I am vulnerable and that’s why I could establish connections which are life lasting. I love to express my love, my passion, my anger, my compassion, my problems to the person who I feel is my life long companion. When we are able to be honest with ourselves about our intentions in relationships and communicate, the sometimes conflicting feelings that arise when making decisions in relationships lessens and the chance to build a relationship that is supportive and responsive becomes much more attainable.

That’s it for today. Cheers.